I was having a little trouble understanding Dubya's speech at the GOP convention...
and, unfortunately, George P. wasn't here to translate, so I had to do my best.
So, for the spin-impaired:
here are the translated highlights of Dubya's acceptance speech...
"Our opportunities to make more money are too great, our lives too miserly, to waste this moment. So tonight we vow to our shareholders, we will seize this moment of American prosperity. And through our collective greed, will squeeze even greater profits, while paying fewer taxes, in order to further concentrate our country's wealth in the hands of a few. The nation is ripe and ready for plucking."
"This administration had its moment. Those socialists had their chance. They have not busted the economy with reckless tax breaks for the rich. We will!"
"WE WILL!"
"WE WILL!"
"WE WILL!"
"My fellow corporate citizens, we can begin again. After all of the regulations and all of the anti-trust cases, after all of the penalties, fines, and broken mergers, we can begin again. It won't be long now."
"We will confront the hard issues, threats to our financial portfolios, threats to our privilege, before the challenges of our time become crises for our heirs. And we will extend the promise of the Social Security trust fund to every fund manager on Wall Street."
"Our current president embodied the potential of a generation. So many talents. So much charm. But, in the end, to what end? Well, for eight years, the Clinton-Gore administration has coasted our nation through peace and prosperity...
Shoot!! Karl, I thought you were gonna scratch this out!"
"Anyway, now they come asking for another chance, another shot. Our answer? Not this time. Not this year. Like my daddy once told me, 'No more chances, boy! You're getting your sorry, spoiled, no-account butt off to school, so that someday you can take your rightful place in the royal Bush dynasty, because I'm not just going to hand it to you... that wouldn't be prudent! No, you're going to have to work for it, or at least look like it, boy!'
...Whoa, talk about compassionate conservatism!"
"So, if my opponent had been there at the moon launch, it would have been a 'risky rocket scheme'. If he'd been there when Edison was testing the light bulb, it would have been a 'risky anti-candle scheme'. If he'd been there with me at Yale, it would have been 'risky bush behavior...', yada, yada, yada."
"And if he'd been there when the Internet was invented... heck, now THAT'S risky, 'cause I can't even figure out how to use the darn thing!"
"He now leads the party of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, that great socio-economic class-traitor from long ago!"
"As governor, I’ve made difficult decisions, and stood by them under pressure. I’ve been where the buck stops — many, many millions of bucks. I’ve been a chief executive who sets an agenda, sets big goals, sets execution dates, and rallies people to believe whatever I want them to believe, because of my winning smirk! Folks seem to love this smirk, and I’m gonna to use it all the way to the White House!"
"Their attacks will be relentless, but they will be answered. We are facing something familiar, but they are facing something new. We are now the party of ideas and innovation... and black people -- lots 'n lots of 'em! Brown ones, too! Look, there's a bunch of 'em right over there! Sure, they're mostly Jeb's in-laws, but it just goes to prove that we're now the party of idealism and inclusion."
"Now, as we leave here tonight, let's listen to Chaka Khan bust-a-rhyme... goodnight, and God Bless America!"
