George Dubya Bush 2004 Republican National Convention Nomination Acceptance Speech
AUGUST 2, 2004 NEW YORK (DNN) -- President Dubya addressed the Republican Party faithful on their convention's final night. This is a transcript of his remarks.
Mr. Chairman, delegates, fellow citizens, I'm honored by your support, and I accept your
pre-ordained nomination for president of these here United States.
When I said those words four years ago, none of us could have envisioned what these years
would bring: even though I got that August PDB and all them Clinton people kept making all this noise about somebody bin Laden.
We have seen a shaken economy try to rise to its feet, only to get groin-kicked by my
reckless tax cuts for the rich. And we have seen Americans in uniform storming mountain
strongholds and charging through sandstorms and liberating billions of barrels of oil with
acts of valor that would make the men of Texaco and Exxon proud.
Since 2001, Americans have been given hills to climb and found the strength to climb them.
Now, because we have made the hard journey of trashing government regulation, we can see
the toxic, smog-filled valley below. Now, because we have faced challenges by stacking our
courts with wacko right-wing judges, national redistricting goals are within our reach and
"cementing" [winks at Rep. Joe Barton] our future.
We will build a safer world and a more hopeful America, and nothing will hold us back...
except another four years of my administration.
In the work we have done and the work we will do, I am fortunate to have a kick-ass vice
president. And when I say "kick ass", I mean that quite literally.
I have depended on Dick Cheney's calculating and ruthless judgment in difficult days, and
I'm lucky to have his leadership.
I am grateful to share my walk in life with Laura Bush. She has introduced me to the world
of books and countless bedtime stories.
Americans have come to see the goodness and kindness and ruthless driving skills I first
saw 26 years ago, and we love our first lady.
I'm a fortunate father of two spirited -- and I mean 180-proof-spirited -- intelligent
and lovely young women.
I'm blessed with a sister and brothers who are my closest friends, especially the one
that's gonna hook-me-up again in Florida.
And I will always be the proud and grateful son of George "Rubbers" and Barbara "Marie
Antoinette" Bush. [winks at slightly embarrassed parents].
My father served eight years at the side of another great American, Ronald Reagan.
His spirit of optimism and good will and decency are in this hall and are in our hearts and will always define our party. If only the Gipper had the decency to not kick-off 'til late October.
Two months from today, voters will make a choice based on the criminal records we have
built, the federal convictions we're gonna get, and the vision of immunity that guides
us forward.
A presidential election is a contest for the future. Tonight I will tell you where I stand, what I believe, and where I will mislead this country in the next four years.
I believe every child can learn and every school must teach, so we passed the most
important federal education reform in history. Because we acted, children are making
sustained progress in reading and math, America's schools are getting better, and nothing
will hold us back. Just kidding. Our schools are up the creek without a paddle.
I believe we have a moral responsibility to honor America's seniors, so I brought
Republicans and Democrats together to strengthen Medicare. Now seniors are getting
immediate help buying medicine, as long as it ain't Lipitor. And soon every big
pharmaceutical company will be getting their government money kickback, and nothing
will hold their profits back, except those lousy geezers fleeing to Canada to get their meds!
I believe in the energy and innovative spirit of America's workers, entrepreneurs, farmers
and ranchers, so we unleashed that energy with the largest tax relief in a generation.
Screw deficits! Our kids and grandkids will be picking up that tab anyway.
Because we acted, our economy is growing again and creating Wal-Mart jobs, and nothing will hold us back. I believe the most solemn duty of the American president is to protect the American people. If America shows uncertainty or weakness in this decade, the world will drift toward tragedy. This will not happen on my watch. Instead, I'm using arrogance and brute force to drift us toward world tragedy.
I am running for president with a clear and positive plan to build me an empire and a more
profitable corporate America. I am running with a compassionate conservative philosophy: that
government should help corporations improve "their" lives, not the "lives" of the masses of
little, insignificant, common people.
I believe this nation wants steady, consistent, principled leadership. And that is why, God forbid, John Kerry will win this election.
The story of America is the story of expanding liberty, an ever-widening circle, constantly growing to reach further and include more. Well, I'm writing a new story in which that
circle of liberty is shrinking more and more each day. The name of my story is "My Pet
Patriot Act."
Our nation's founding commitment is still our deepest commitment: In our world, and here at home, we will extend the frontiers of corporate power over individual freedom.
The times in which we work and live are changing dramatically. The workers of our parents'
generation typically had one job, one skill, one career, often with one company that
provided health care and a pension. And most of those workers were men.
Today, with downsizing and outsourcing, workers are chasing lower-paying jobs, even
lower-paying careers, many times during their lives. And in one of the most dramatic shifts
our society has seen, two-thirds of all moms also work outside the home, even if they can't
find affordable childcare. Too bad, all you latch-key kiddies.
This changed world can be a time of great opportunity for all Americans to earn a better
living, support your family, and have a rewarding career... if you're willing to move to
India.
Many of our most fundamental systems -- the tax code, health coverage, pension plans,
worker training -- were created by democrats, although we republicans fought them every
step of the way. Now we will transform these systems into the same empty, meaningless,
symbolic gestures, that the rest of my domestic programs are.
My plan begins with providing the security and opportunity of a growing outsourced economy.
We now compete in a global market that provides new buyers for our goods, since Americans
can now barely afford them. To create more jobs in
America, America must be the cheapest place in the world to do business. Bye-bye minimum
wage and worker safety. [winks to a smiling Labor Secretary Elaine Chao].
To create jobs, my plan will encourage investment and expansion by restraining federal
spending to defense contracts mostly, scrapping regulation and making tax relief for the
rich permanent.
To create jobs, we will make our country less dependent on foreign sources of energy...
non-Saudi sources of energy, that is. [winks at an approving Prince Bandar].
To create jobs, we will expand trade and lower the standards of the playing field to sell American goods and
services across the globe.
And we must protect small-business owners and workers from the explosion of frivolous
lawsuits that threaten jobs across our country, especially those frivolous
Enron-swindled-me-out-of-my-life-savings lawsuits.
Another drag on our economy is the current tax code, which is a complicated mess, filled
with special interest loopholes, saddling our rich friends with more than 6 billion hours
of paperwork and headache every year trying to find more ways to pay zero taxes. The
American people deserve -- and our economic future demands -- a simpler, fairer,
pro-fat-cat system.
In a new term, I will lead a bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the federal tax code,
by eliminating taxes for those making over a million dollars a year. [gives a "thumbs-up" to
wildly cheering and standing audience].
Another priority in a new term will be to help workers take advantage of the expanding
economy to find better and higher-paying jobs. In this time of change, many workers want to
go back to school to learn different or higher-level skills. So we will double the number
of people served by our principal job training program and increase funding for community
colleges. Wait... did I say "increase"? I meant to say "decrease" funding for community colleges.
My bad.
I know that with the right skills, American workers can compete with anyone, anywhere in
the world. Actually, Americans are already the best-skilled workers in the world. It's their friggin' high wages that are all wrong!
In this time of change, opportunity in some communities is more distant than in others. To
stand with workers in poor communities and those that have lost manufacturing, textile, and other jobs, we will create American opportunistic zones, where workers will receive
payment in government surplus food stuffs instead of cash.
In these areas, we'll provide exemptions to the 13th and 14th Amendments and other
rights to attract new business.
As I've traveled the country, I've met many workers and small-business owners who, when
they weren't yelling profanities at me, told me that they are worried they cannot afford
health care. More than half of the uninsured are small-business employees and their
families. Too bad they don't contribute more money to my campaign than the HMOs do.
In a new term, we must allow small firms to join together to purchase insurance at the
discounts available to big companies. Yeah right. Like Moe's Tavern is gonna get the same
rates as Montgomery Burns' Nuclear Power Plant. I'd like to see that. [giggles].
We will offer a tax credit to encourage small businesses and their employees to set up
health savings accounts and provide direct help for low-income Americans to purchase them.
These accounts give workers the security of insurance against major illness, the
opportunity to save tax-free for routine health expenses, and the freedom of knowing you
can take your account with you whenever you change jobs. However, if you don't have enough
money saved-up when that cancer strikes, you can kiss that house of yours goodbye.
We will provide low-income Americans with better access to health care. In a new term, I
will ensure every poor county in America has a community or rural health center... open for business sometime in the 23rd century.
As I have traveled our country, I've met too many good doctors, especially OB/GYNs, who are being forced out of practice because of the high cost of premiums forced on them by
insurance companies who feel the need to give their executives even more cash bonuses, Leer jets, and other perks.
To make health care more affordable and accessible, we must pass medical liability reform
now. And by "reform", I mean screwing patient's rights for more HMO profits by putting a stop to those frivolous incompetent-doctor-cut-off-the-wrong-leg lawsuits. [winks at an
ecstatic Sen. Bill Frist].
In this time of change, government must take the side of working families. That's what I'd believe if I were a Democrat.
In a new term we will change outdated labor laws to offer non-paid comp-time and flex-time, or as we used to call it down in Texas, "slave-time". Our Bill of Rights should never stand in the way of a more plantation-friendly workplace.
And speaking of "plantation-friendly", another priority for a new term is to build an
ownership society, because ownership brings security and dignity and independence to the
propertied.
And speaking of "propertied", thanks to our recession-building policies, interest rates
have fallen so low that home ownership in America is at an all-time high. How's that for
irony? [giggles].
Tonight we set a new goal: to screw-up the economy so bad that we will have negative
interest rates. That's right folks. When you buy a home, you'll actually get cash back! That
means over 7 million more homebuyers in the next 10 years, so more American families will
be able to open the door and say, "Welcome to my home." Except for one little detail. In
such a screwed-up economy, jobs will be paying slave wages, and well, who ever heard of a
slave buying a house?! Crazy world, man.
In an ownership society, more people will own their health plans and have the confidence of
owning a piece of their retirement -- much like the investors in Enron used to.
We'll always keep the "promise" of Social Security for our older workers. Now actually
"paying" them is another matter.
With the huge baby boom generation approaching retirement, many of our children and
grandchildren understandably worry whether Social Security will be there when they need it.
Well, I'm willing to give them a 50-50 chance on their retirement by letting them play the
Stock Market. We'll make Social Security fun by allowing you younger workers to save some
of your taxes in a personal account that you can gamble with. It'll be fun, kinda like
Celebrity Poker. Retirement will be a nest egg you can play with and call your own and
government can never take it away... but Wall Street can.
In all these proposals, we seek to provide not just a government program, but a path, a
path to greater opportunity, more freedom and more control over your own life, as much as
corporate America is willing to give you.
And the path begins with our youngest Americans. To build a more hopeful America, we must help our children reach as far as their vision and character can take them. Like my twins, for example. [glances over at twins, who are busy flirting with Stephen Baldwin].
Tonight, I remind every parent and every teacher, I say to every child: No matter what your circumstance, no matter where you live, your school will be the path to promise of America. That means most of y'all will be heading down a dead-end street.
We are transforming our schools by standardized testing and focusing only on test results.
We are insisting on accountability, empowering parents and teachers, and making sure that
local people are in charge of their schools.
By constantly testing every child, we are taking away valuable time from any real learning. And to those schools who need help, we're providing a record level of funding to get them
that help. The check is in the mail. Honest. Trust me. [winks at a giggling Ed. Sec. Ron
Paige].
In northeast Georgia, Zell Miller Elementary School is mostly Hispanic and 90 percent poor. And this year, 90 percent of its students passed state tests in reading and math. The principal -- the principal expresses the philosophy of his school this way: "We don't
teach our kids to critically think about the world they live in anymore, but they sure as
heck know how to take a test!"
See, this principal is challenging the bigotry of the bigotry against the bigotry of soft
bigotry of low expectations bigotry.
And that is the spirit of our education reform and the commitment of our country: No
dejaremos a ningun nino atras. We will leave no child behind. Y yo soy un pendejo.
We are making progress. We are making progress. Just keep telling yourselves that. Repeat
it over and over and over again until you actually start believing it. That's what Karl
tells me to do. [waves at a frustrated Karl Rove].
In this time of change, most new jobs are filled by people with at least two years of
college, yet only about one in four students gets there. In our high schools, we will fund
early intervention programs to help students at risk. Check's in the mail on that one too.
As we make progress, we will require a rigorous exam before graduation. By raising
performance in our high schools and expanding Pell Grants for low and middle income
families, we will help more Americans start their career with a college diploma. PSYCHE!! I'm actually CUTTING Pell Grants! [giggles while looking at a knee-slapping, laughing Ed. Sec. Rod Paige].
America's children must also have a healthy start in life. In a new term, we will lead an
aggressive effort to enroll millions of poor children who are eligible but not signed up
for the government's health insurance programs. Then after they're all signed-up, I'm
gonna cut that program too!
Anyone who wants more details on my regressive agenda can find them online. The web address is not very imaginative, but it's easy to remember: GeorgeWBush.CON.
These changing times can be exciting times of expanded opportunity. Just look at the
money-making opportunities in Iraq! [thumbs-up to V.P. Dick Cheney].
My opponent's policies are dramatically different from ours. Boy that's an understatement, ain't it?
Senator Kerry opposed Medicare reform and health savings accounts, seeing them for the
misnamed scams they are. After supporting my education reforms, he now wants to dilute
them, since he saw them for the public-school-gutting schemes they really are. He opposes
legal and medical liability reform that allows insurance companies and HMOs to screw
patients and good doctors. He opposed reducing the marriage penalty, opposed doubling the
child credit, opposed lowering income taxes for all who pay them, just because the rich
overwhelmingly benefited over the middle class.
AUDIENCE: Boooo. Hissss. Get a rope!
BUSH: Wait a minute, wait a minute.
To be fair, there are some things my opponent is for.
He's proposed more than $2 trillion in new federal spending so far, and that's a lot, even
for a senator from Massachusetts. Course it's nowhere near what I'll be blowing in Iraq and giving my rich friends in tax cuts.
And to pay for that spending, he is running on a platform of increasing taxes. Nevermind
that's he's only rolling back tax cuts on the rich and not the middle class.
His policies of tax and spend, of expanding government rather than expanding opportunity,
are the politics of the past. Okay, so I'M the one busting budgets and deficit spending out the wazoo, and creating more federal bureaucracy than any other president in history. So
what? I'm a republican, so it's alright when I do it. [crowd mumbles in agreement].
In this world of change, some things do not change: the values we try to live by, the
institutions that give our lives meaning and purpose. Our society rests on a foundation of
responsibility and character and family commitment.
Because family and work are sources of stability and dignity, I support welfare reform that strengthens family and requires work... even if that single mother can't find affordable
childcare or transportation to work, or even a freakin' job to begin with and is forced
into a homeless shelter. At least she won't be alone.
Because a caring society will value its weakest members, we must make a place for the
unborn child. But once they're born, those little freeloaders are on their own.
Because religious charities provide a safety net of mercy and compassion -- 'cause Lord
knows I don't -- our government must never discriminate against them.
Because the union of a man and woman is the ONLY union I'll ever support, we must protect
marriage against activist judges, who we only need to be active when deciding presidential
elections.
And I will continue to appoint federal judges who know the difference between personal
opinion and the strict interpretation of the law according to John Ashcroft.
My opponent recently announced that he is the candidate of "conservative values," which
really didn't come as a surprise to a lot of his supporters, since he actually holds to the ideas of balanced budgets and limiting the power of the federal government: ideas I flushed down the crapper when I took office.
Now, there are some problems with this claim. If you say the heart and soul of America is
found in Hollywood, I'm afraid you are not the candidate of conservative values. Sorry about that Arnold. [turns to Arnold Schwarzenegger, who holds his head down in shame, like a girly-man].
If you voted against the bipartisan Defense of Marriage Act, which President Clinton
signed, you are not the candidate of conservative values. Nevermind that it was veto-proof
and was gonna be passed into law with or without Kerry or Clinton's support. Besides, what
good conservative ever votes against discrimination anyway?
If you gave a speech, as my opponent did, calling the Reagan presidency eight years of
"moral darkness," then you may be a lot of things, but the candidate of hypocritical
conservative values is not one of them. That would be me.
This election will also determine how America responds to the continuing danger of
terrorism, and you know where I stand.
Three days after September the 11th when I fled to Nebraska, I stood where Americans died,
in the ruins of the twin towers.
Workers in hard hats were shouting to me, "Are you sure this air is safe to breathe?" A fellow grabbed me by the arm, and he said, "I hope your people are right about this asbestos-filled air being okay for us." Since that day, I wake up every morning thinking "Man, I'm glad I didn't stay in that place too long. Better go and get me another lung check-up."
So we have fought the terrorists across the Earth, all the way to Iraq, not for pride, not
for power, but for profit, and okay, maybe a little power.
Our strategy is clear. We have tripled funding for homeland security. And yes, once again,
the check's in the mail, you first-responder fellas. [winks at a couple of nervous-looking firefighters in the audience].
We are transforming our military into my own personal imperial army and reforming and
strengthening our intelligence services by heading them with fall guys who will cover my
ass 24/7. We are staying on the offensive, creating even more terrorists abroad, sending
your sons and daughters into that G.I. shooting gallery called Iraq.
And we are working to advance liberty in the broader Middle East, because like Israel has
shown, building giant walls across the land will bring a future of hope and the peace we
all want... and an occasional suicide bomber or two.
Our strategy is succeeding. Four years ago, Afghanistan was the home base of Al Qaida. Now
Al Qaida has bases all across the freakin' globe. The Taliban's opium business is booming
like never before. Party-on, guys! And what about that sinister, cave-dwelling menace whose name starts with an "O"? Well we all know he's running a losing campaign for Senate in the State of Illinois. [gives a thumbs-up to a wildly grinning and nodding Alan Keyes].
Pakistan was a transit point for terrorist groups, but hell, they're all in Iraq now. Saudi Arabia was fertile ground for terrorist fund-raising. Better to pay-off and distract the terrorists with foreign enemies than have them attacking the Royal Family, eh Bandar? [winks at a nervously laughing, shrugging Prince Bandar].
Libya was secretly pursuing nuclear weapons. Iraq was a gathering threat as they prepared
to start selling their oil for Euros instead of Dollars. Oh the horror. The horror. And Al
Qaida was largely unchallenged as it planned attacks, because we kept screaming at Clinton
"No war for Monica!"
Today, the government of a free Afghanistan is fighting terror. Okay well at least they're
fighting it in Kabul. Pakistan is capturing terrorist leaders that we can't quite be bothered with right now. Saudi Arabia is making raids and arrests. Hooray! Libya is dismantling its weapons programs, something they've been working on since BEFORE I invaded Iraq. The army of a free Iraq is fighting for freedom against the American occupiers. Hey, wait. How'd that get in here? Bandar, you ol' jokester you, monkeying around with my speech again. [jokingly wags finger at a chuckling Prince Bandar].
And more than three-quarters of Al Qaida's key members and associates have been detained or killed, only to be replaced 10-fold as their membership increases around the world. We have led, many have joined, and America and the world are safer, as long as you're here
at Madison Square Garden. Ain't the security here great? Everybody, let's give Security a big round of applause.
This progress involved careful diplomacy, clear moral purpose and some tough decisions. And the toughest came on Iraq. We knew Saddam Hussein's record of aggression and support for terror. We knew his long history of pursuing, even using, weapons of mass destruction
that my poppy sold him. [looks up at an embarrassed elder Bush].
And we know that September the 11th requires our country to think differently. We must, and we will, confront threats to America before it is too late. And you can damn well bet I
WILL read the next PDB warning of eminent terrorist attacks, right after Condi explains it to me.
In Saddam Hussein, we saw a threat. Members of both political parties, including... [pauses speech dumbfounded, watching security hustle two women protestors away].
DA-YUM! The security in this place really sucks, don't it?!
Anyway, members of both political parties, including my opponent and his running mate, saw
the threat as I misrepresented it to them, and voted to authorize the use of force, as long as it was used ONLY as a last resort. Yada-Yada-Yada. So we went to the stupid United
Nations Security Council, which finally passed a unanimous resolution demanding the
dictator disarm, or face serious consequences. Leaders in the Middle East urged him to
comply. They reminded him what a greedy bunch of arrogant warmongers we were.
So even after more than a decade of the diplomacy of starving and bombing Iraq, we gave Saddam Hussein another chance, a final chance, to get from between us and that oil of his. We even offered him a plea-bargain to get out while the going was good. He could've taken his loot, his women, and those crazy-ass boys of his, as long as he left the oil fields intact. He again refused.
Then I faced the kind of decision that comes only to the Oval Office, when Dick is sitting
in my chair -- a decision no decent, honest president would ask for, but hey, this is
business, right? I must be prepared to make false claims based on doctored evidence to tie
Saddam to September 11th. So do I forget the lessons of September 11th: that if you keep
scaring the American people they will stop thinking and believe anything I tell them, in
order to feel safe?
AUDIENCE: No!
BUSH: ... Well alrighty then.
Because we claimed to act in defense our country, the murderous regimes of Saddam Hussein
and the Taliban are history... okay the Taliban are back now, but more than 50 million
people have been liberated... okay they're still at the mercy of warlords and/or an
occupying army, but real democracy is just around the corner.
In Afghanistan, terrorists have done everything they can to intimidate people, yet more
than 10 million citizens have registered to vote in the October presidential election, a
resounding endorsement for democracy. And they've got those paperless electronic voting
machines, so we already know how that one's gonna turn out. [winks at a nodding Diebold president].
Despite ongoing acts of violence, Iraq now has a strong prime minister with a 4% approval
rating -- damn, even I'M beating that -- a national council, and national elections are
scheduled for January. And yes, the Diebold machines have already been installed.
Our nation is standing with the people of Afghanistan and Iraq, because when America gives
its word, America must keep its word. [laughs out loud] I was just remembering when Poppy
gave his word to help the Shiites if they revolted against Saddam in '91 -- then turned his back as Saddam slaughtered them. Two words for ya poppy: "Mass Graves". [laughs at elder Bush, who angrily waves his fist].
Oh really? Bring it on, dad. We'll settle this right here, right now, mano a mano! [elder
Bush leaves auditorium, followed by a nagging Barbara].
Whew! Man, I don't know WHAT brought that on. I'm going through withdrawals. It's time for me to go get wasted again down at the ranch. Anyway, as I was saying, we are serving a vital and historic cause that will make our country safer. Karl, you're so full of s***, making me read this crap. [looks at Karl Rove, who is glaring back at him].
Uh, uh... uh, so our mission in Afghanistan and Iraq is clear. We will help new leaders to
train their repressive armies, and move toward "elections", and get on the path of
colonialism as quickly as possible. And then our troops will return home to await the
invasion of Iran. Well hell, since they're already over there... [goes into a long blank
stare, then snaps back].
Uh, uh... uh, our troops know the historic importance of our work. One Army specialist
wrote home, "We are transforming a once-civilized society into an utter hellhole. The
various terrorist enemies we are facing in Iraq," he continued, "pale in comparison to the
home-grown resistance force aiming at us everywhere we go. This place makes Vietnam look
like a little street gang fight. This is a test of will for our country. 'Will' the
American people wake-up and get us the hell outta here before Bush gets us all killed? I
don't know how much longer I can watch my friends die, Iraqi children die, my country's
honor die. God help us!!! Get rid of this misleader Bush NOW!!!"
DAMN!!! Now I really DO need a drink... and some blow! [looks across the stunned, hushed crowd].
Uh, uh... uh, that young man is right. Our, uh, men and women in uniform are doing a superb job for America. [looks over the still stunned, hushed crowd].
TAX CUT!!!!!!! [yells to audience, which erupts into a thunderous standing ovation that lasts for ten minutes].
Well alrighty then.
Now, my opponent and I have different approaches. I proposed, and the Congress
overwhelmingly passed, $87 billion in funding needed by our troops doing battle in
Afghanistan and Iraq. My opponent and his running mate voted in protest against this money
for bullets and fuel and vehicles and body armor, after I added some more tax cuts for the
rich in that bill. He was actually foolish enough to think that I wouldn't dare use the
blood, sweat, and tears of our troops to sneak-through another gigantic tax cut.
When asked to explain his vote, the senator wussily said, "I actually did vote for the $87
billion, before I voted against it." Funny how a guy will flip-flop when trying to protect
the economic stability of our nation during a time of war.
BUSH: Then he said he was "proud" of his vote. Then, when pressed, he said it was a "complicated" matter. Well duh, how complicated is a protest vote on a bill that was gonna pass anyway? There's nothing complicated about supporting our troops in combat. Although I'm still not sure why the troops only got a billion dollars of that money so far. Guess I'll have to ask Dick where the other $86 billion went. [looks over at Cheney who is snarling at him].
*Gulp* Uh, uh, anyway, our allies also know the historic importance of our work. About 40
nations stand beside us in Afghanistan wondering why the hell did we pull most of our
troops out when we had you-know-who cornered in a cave in Tora-Bora?
Whatever.
Anyway, I deeply appreciate the courage and wise counsel of leaders like Prime Minister Howard, President Kwasniewski, Prime Minister Berlusconi and, of course, Prime Minister Tony Blair. See Condi, told you I was gonna pronounce 'em right. [smirks at NSA Condoleezza Rice, who just rolls her eyes].
Again, my opponent takes a different approach. In the midst of war, he has called American
allies, quote, a "coalition of the coerced and the bribed." Well, Kwasniewski didn't look
too coerced when I was handing him that $66 million check.
Others understand the historic importance of our work. The terrorists know. They know that
they could have never exceeded their recruitment goals without my help.
They know that men and women with hope and purpose and dignity do not strap bombs on their
bodies and kill the innocent. Duh.
The terrorists are fighting freedom with all their cunning and cruelty because freedom is
their greatest fear. And they should be afraid, because freedom is on the march. Evildoers
beware! We know you're not fighting us because you were screwed by the Saudi Royals or
Carlyle Group! You evil terrorists are fighting because of our freedom. You hate the
freedom, you fear the freedom, you curse the freedom! FREEEEEEEEEDOM! It's coming to get
you! There is no escape from the freedom!!! All your base are belong to us!!! Long live the freedom!!! [suddenly snatches Old Glory from a stunned boy scout, embracing and kissing it, while the cheering audience is whipped-up into mass hysteria. This goes on for another twenty minutes].
Freedom. Freedom. I love freedom. But not as much as I love the Patriot Acts. [throws flag back at boy scout].
America has done this kind of work before, and there have always been doubters. In 1946, 18 months after the unfortunate fall of the Third Reich to allied forces, a journalist wrote
for that anti-nazi New York Times: "Germany is a land in an acute stage of economic,
political and moral crisis. European capitals are frightened. In every military
headquarters, one meets alarmed officials doing their utmost to deal with the consequences
of the occupation policy that they admit has failed," end quote.
Maybe that same person is still around, writing editorials.
Fortunately, we had a resolute president named Truman who, wait -- wasn't he a Democrat?
Well why am I saying something nice about him then? Anyway, Truman, with the American
people, persevered, knowing that a new democracy at the center of Europe would lead to
stability and peace. And that the Europeans knew that we hadn't invaded them under false
pretenses to steal their natural resources, didn't hurt either.
We were honored to aid the rise of democracy in Germany and Japan, Nicaragua and Central
Europe and the Baltics, and that noble story goes on. That story's called "Nation-building", Condi. [glances over at Condoleezza Rice, who just sighs and turns away].
I believe all these things because freedom is not America's gift to the world; it is the
almighty God's gift to every man and woman in this world. He told me this. He also told me
to stop using his name for political gain.
In the last four years -- in the last four years, you and I have come to know each other.
Even when we don't agree, at least you know what I believe and where I stand. That's why
people say I'm a dangerous misleader.
May be. But you may have also noticed I have a few flaws, too. People sometimes have to correct my English.
I knew I had a problem when Arnold Schwarzenegger started doing it. Man, doesn't he have
the coolest German accent? Sometimes I imagine him in his bedroom, wearing his father's old SS uniform, marching back and forth across the room and saluting. Man it just gives me the strangest, warmest feeling inside.
Ahem...
Now some folks look at me and see a certain Texas swagger. My friends say it makes me look arrogant and vain, and then they ask how they can walk like that too. "Well", I tell 'em while straightening my State-of-Texas belt-buckle, "you just gotta imagine someone's rammed a sharp stick up your..." [looks up at Bush the elder, who's returning to his seat and looking at his watch, while Barbara glares down at the stage].
Oh, uh, now and then I come across as a little too blunt, and for that we can all thank the white-haired lady sitting right up there. [still looking nervously up at Barbara, who is mouthing the words, "Just you wait 'til I come down there!"].
Oh boy. Uh, uh, uh... I have learned first-hand that ordering Americans into battle is the hardest decision even when it is right. I have returned the salute of wounded soldiers, some with a very tough road ahead, who say they were just doing their job. I've held the children of the fallen who are told their dad or mom is a hero, but would rather just have their dad or mom.
I've met with parents and wives and husbands who have received a folded flag and said a
final goodbye to a soldier they loved. I am awed that so many have used those meetings to
say that I am in their prayers and to offer encouragement to me.
And then that's when I tell them, "Sorry about your loss. It was nothing personal. Just business."
My fellow Americans, for as long as our country stands, people will look to the
resurrection of New York City and they will say: Here buildings fell, and here a nation
rose, and here the Republicans milked it for all it was worth.
We see America's character in our military, which wonders why Halliburton contractors doing the same work get paid ten times more then they do. We see it in our veterans, who are
supporting military families in their days of worry, despite my cutting their pay and benefits. We see it in our young people, who have found heroes once again, and
have signed up to volunteer for the Real Deal Kerry-Edwards campaign... What the...?! Bandar, is this you messing with my speech again? [stares at Bandar, who shakes his head in denial]. Zell? Are you zig-zagging again?
ZELL MILLER: Hell No!!!
BUSH: Hmmm... Must be one of them CIA guys trying to be funny again. Ha! Ha! Very funny, guys. [really fake laugh].
Well alrighty then. We see that character in workers and entrepreneurs, who are renewing our economy with their effort and optimism, despite my taking more of the federal tax burden from the rich and dumping it on the middle class.
And all of this has confirmed one belief beyond doubt: Having come this far, our tested and confident nation can do better. That's why I'm very nervous tonight.
You see, to everything we know there is a season -- a time for sadness, a time for
struggle, a time for rebuilding, a time for John Kerry to open a can of whup-ass on election day -- Damn-it! -- I want Porter Goss on the phone, pronto!
And now my campaign has reached a desperate time, and yet found hope: Diebold Electronic
Voting Machines -- no tell-tale paper trails -- no need to call the Supreme Court again.
Like generations before us, we have a calling from beyond the stars to stand for freedom.
It goes a little something like this: "Gort! Klaatu barada nikto! Gort! Klaatu barada
nikto!"
I think that means, "Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you."
Crazy, huh?
Oh well, goodnight everybody.
And may God bless you, and may God continue to bless our great country.